1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
love makes seman taste better
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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