come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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