mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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