Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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