shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
