I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
