Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
