who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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