there's paper in my vomit.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
