Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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