We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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