Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
