What did we do last night that was yellow?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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