On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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