the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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