Betty ford says i'm here all night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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