You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
