what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
