I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
