that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
