PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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