census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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