it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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