she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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