wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
