My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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