my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
