Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
