guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
