I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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