Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The Olympian is in my bed
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