Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
