I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
