i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
