it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
