If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
do herpes really smell.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
