Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
