I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
