I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
