so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
