I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
