Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
