How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
