how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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