I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
