I puked a lego.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
