My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
