The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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