just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
