Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
