11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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