Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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